Life is a strange journey.
I got my house, now I have that
horrific feeling that my comic buying budget means that I have to
spend money that doesn't include things that have a masked vigilante
drawn into thirty (or so) pages...
Oh come on, this is the Batman Quest I
have to weigh up the pros and cons of most things. Should I buy a
vacuum cleaner, or a microwave oven or blow it all on comic books?
Can I do both?
Can I do this while buying paint, Ikea
bookcases all the while trying to seduce the simply stunning Bethan
who frequents my workplace? This is a woman that needs a war chest,
she needs to be spoilt: With Krug, With Pizza... She's really
purrr-fect. I mean this is a chick who's nearly a decade younger
than me, but there's something about her that makes me think that she
would look rather good in a Catwoman catsuit.
Er... Did I just go there, like online?
Fuck it, I'll never be found here.. in
the backwaters of the Blogosphere...
So let's get July out of the way..
Let's think here... I bought a handful
of Nightwing, specifically #146 and about 18 issues of Batgirl..Yes,
this buying house stuff is really rubbish when you are trying to kit
a house with electricity, furniture and vegetarian food. Hell, I'm
having to abandon a TV license (in the UK, in case you are wondering.
to watch the TV, you have to buy a TV License for £150ish- all to
subsidise the BBC's dominance in the UK's media market) all to sort
my finances out. But I need Huntress and Azrael back issues!
Which means a guaranteed time to
actually read things. To be truthful, this was always the plan, I
knew that all this stockpiling of comics was going to be a great
thing once I abandoned the soul destroying world of British TV. And
would make me buy more freaking comics.
While we are here then can I give you
my Dark Knight Rises review?
For what it's worth, it was awesome.
Up there with my favourite movies;
above Predators, but below Hiding Out and Tremors 2.
The big flaw, and it's best feature in
the three hours is the half-way Bane/Commisioner Gordon Half-Time
speeches. This was a glorious cliché, but I think this was
Christopher Nolan's clever way of letting me piss out two pints of
coke, as they prattled on into the finale.
Bale's Batman was excellent, as usual.
While Bale's Bruce Wayne was, and I mean this as a compliment, an
annoying rich-boy quitter. Bruce Wayne, in this movie, was a total
wanker who had the testicular fortitude of a eunuch, until the threat
that his fortune and standard of life might be threatened.
Bane was awesome. As was the twist in
the, er, back. If you know what I mean...
As for Selina Kyle: This was as
good as a performance by a female comic villain as any. Yes, while
that statement means that you'll rack your brain trying to find a
comparable, I'll go one further, it is now THE benchmark female
villain in ANY movie. Selina Kyle's portrayal by whatever-her-name is
simply awesome and her performance transcends the screen. This is a
woman who knows exactly what she wants. And is softy ruthless in
getting there. She is the one that haunts when you breath the cold
air of the the Monday night.
But, she ain't Catwoman. She's acting
out the Selina Kyle in Frank Miller's 'Year One' who decides that by dressing up
as a cat, might be a better way of becoming a cat-butglar. She's
fucking awesome doing it. But, Catwoman, isn't mentioned in the
movie. There is no whip...
While I own 'Catwoman' (featuring Halle
Berry- and that ticks a few of my boxes, I might add), I have asked
my closest friends. It's official...
Michelle Pfeiffer. Is still THE
Catwoman.
You can have your Hepburn's Breakfast
At Tiffany from Ikea, I'll take a full blow up of Pfeiffer put it
onto wall, and I don't give a flying monkey of how pervy it might
appear to my 90 year old Grandmother.
Regardless of watching Pfeiffers
performance in a mental breakdown in becoming Catwoman, her perfect
delivery of great lines in Tim Burton's 'Batman Returns'. Yes, this
is the first Tim Burton's first auteur film and Devito's Penguin is deviant beyond, but it is Michelle
Pfeiffers film. Pfeiffer, who must've been beaten into the vinyl (and
what the hell is vinyl?) with a spatula owns the film. She actually stole a place in my heart. And my puberty, if I'm truthful...
Women that are this dangerous, this individualistic, this
whip-carrying-ist are the women that I have always been drawn too...
Now here is the confession, and I'm
only being honest, but you've already noted that this wasn't you
standard what-i-got-blog, I was a thirteen year old boy when I
saw this Catwoman on glorious cinematic wide-screen, and her physical
appearance had/has/will continue to have a last impression on my
psyche. Yes, shiny black 'vinyl' is a simply wonderful thing... And
the various women (that I liked enough) I have been involved with
might attest to this issue.
If I met Michelle Pfeiffer and had to
say something to her; I wouldn't even batter an eyelid (and hope that
the burly bodyguards won't carry me away with immediate effect).
“Thankyou Ms. Pffeiffer, I'm not
mental or anything, but You've greatly influenced my sexuality. And
I mean that in a good way”. Then I'd be beaten up by the bodyguards...
And I know that amongst my friends,
some of them married, I am not alone. It's just that they won't admit
to it online.
Because they are not idiots.
And should Bethan ever stumble upon
this blog:
Croissants are a morning pastry.
