I woke up one morning and had a dream... Could I own every single issue of Detective Comics, Batman and all of the other subtitles in the Gotham universe?
Insane? Stupid? Inspired?
This can only end in obsession and financial chaos.

Sunday, 5 August 2012

July's (Belated) Haul

Life is a strange journey.

I got my house, now I have that horrific feeling that my comic buying budget means that I have to spend money that doesn't include things that have a masked vigilante drawn into thirty (or so) pages...

Oh come on, this is the Batman Quest I have to weigh up the pros and cons of most things. Should I buy a vacuum cleaner, or a microwave oven or blow it all on comic books?

Can I do both?

Can I do this while buying paint, Ikea bookcases all the while trying to seduce the simply stunning Bethan who frequents my workplace? This is a woman that needs a war chest, she needs to be spoilt: With Krug, With Pizza... She's really purrr-fect. I mean this is a chick who's nearly a decade younger than me, but there's something about her that makes me think that she would look rather good in a Catwoman catsuit.

Er... Did I just go there, like online?

Fuck it, I'll never be found here.. in the backwaters of the Blogosphere...

So let's get July out of the way..

Let's think here... I bought a handful of Nightwing, specifically #146 and about 18 issues of Batgirl..Yes, this buying house stuff is really rubbish when you are trying to kit a house with electricity, furniture and vegetarian food. Hell, I'm having to abandon a TV license (in the UK, in case you are wondering. to watch the TV, you have to buy a TV License for £150ish- all to subsidise the BBC's dominance in the UK's media market) all to sort my finances out. But I need Huntress and Azrael back issues!

Which means a guaranteed time to actually read things. To be truthful, this was always the plan, I knew that all this stockpiling of comics was going to be a great thing once I abandoned the soul destroying world of British TV. And would make me buy more freaking comics.

While we are here then can I give you my Dark Knight Rises review?

For what it's worth, it was awesome.

Up there with my favourite movies; above Predators, but below Hiding Out and Tremors 2.

The big flaw, and it's best feature in the three hours is the half-way Bane/Commisioner Gordon Half-Time speeches. This was a glorious cliché, but I think this was Christopher Nolan's clever way of letting me piss out two pints of coke, as they prattled on into the finale.

Bale's Batman was excellent, as usual. While Bale's Bruce Wayne was, and I mean this as a compliment, an annoying rich-boy quitter. Bruce Wayne, in this movie, was a total wanker who had the testicular fortitude of a eunuch, until the threat that his fortune and standard of life might be threatened.

Bane was awesome. As was the twist in the, er, back. If you know what I mean...

As for Selina Kyle: This was as good as a performance by a female comic villain as any. Yes, while that statement means that you'll rack your brain trying to find a comparable, I'll go one further, it is now THE benchmark female villain in ANY movie. Selina Kyle's portrayal by whatever-her-name is simply awesome and her performance transcends the screen. This is a woman who knows exactly what she wants. And is softy ruthless in getting there. She is the one that haunts when you breath the cold air of the the Monday night.

But, she ain't Catwoman. She's acting out the Selina Kyle in Frank Miller's 'Year One' who decides that by dressing up as a cat, might be a better way of becoming a cat-butglar. She's fucking awesome doing it. But, Catwoman, isn't mentioned in the movie. There is no whip...

While I own 'Catwoman' (featuring Halle Berry- and that ticks a few of my boxes, I might add), I have asked my closest friends. It's official...

Michelle Pfeiffer. Is still THE Catwoman.

You can have your Hepburn's Breakfast At Tiffany from Ikea, I'll take a full blow up of Pfeiffer put it onto wall, and I don't give a flying monkey of how pervy it might appear to my 90 year old Grandmother.

Regardless of watching Pfeiffers performance in a mental breakdown in becoming Catwoman, her perfect delivery of great lines in Tim Burton's 'Batman Returns'. Yes, this is the first Tim Burton's first auteur film and Devito's Penguin is deviant beyond, but it is Michelle Pfeiffers film. Pfeiffer, who must've been beaten into the vinyl (and what the hell is vinyl?) with a spatula owns the film. She actually stole a place in my heart. And my puberty, if I'm truthful... Women that are this dangerous, this individualistic, this whip-carrying-ist are the women that I have always been drawn too...

Now here is the confession, and I'm only being honest, but you've already noted that this wasn't you standard what-i-got-blog, I was a thirteen year old boy when I saw this Catwoman on glorious cinematic wide-screen, and her physical appearance had/has/will continue to have a last impression on my psyche. Yes, shiny black 'vinyl' is a simply wonderful thing... And the various women (that I liked enough) I have been involved with might attest to this issue.

If I met Michelle Pfeiffer and had to say something to her; I wouldn't even batter an eyelid (and hope that the burly bodyguards won't carry me away with immediate effect).

“Thankyou Ms. Pffeiffer, I'm not mental or anything, but You've greatly influenced my sexuality. And I mean that in a good way”. Then I'd be beaten up by the bodyguards...

And I know that amongst my friends, some of them married, I am not alone. It's just that they won't admit to it online.

Because they are not idiots.

And should Bethan ever stumble upon this blog:

Croissants are a morning pastry.